"I'm Not Ready to Make Nice"

Divorce Vs. Marriage Vs. Singlehood

I read somewhere recently that of divorcees polled  looking back wish they had rode out the storm and stayed together.  It gets harder and harder to repair a rift between a married couple once divorce is in the picture and wounds are fresh.  I’m not saying “stay together for the kids”, “keep being abused”, or “keep allowing your spouse to cheat”.  I’m not saying that at all.  Certainly those are situations  you should get out of a relationship for but I think generally people get bored with one another or fall out of love at the same time.

Instead of saying YOU fell out of love look within yourself and see if you are the problem.  You do not have to be rich to enjoy one another with alone time.  Babysitters are nice but lets face it they’re expensive.  If you have little ones put them to bed a little early.  Have a late dinner just for two.  Most experts will tell you don’t talk about kids or your job.  I beg to differ because I don’t have much else to talk about.  Maybe have a movie night for two.  There are lots of things you can do you just need think about what will bring you closer.

Many times money is the issue.  My husband and I had forever been fighting over money or lack of.  I finally told him “Look, neither of us is wrong we just want the money to go to different places”.  We started discussing why we wanted the money to go where and it sure did create understanding between us.  Now I’m not saying that that will rid you of all money friction but it will help.

Being a single mother or father isn’t easy and it isn’t cheap either.  In our area many couples that divorced are living together because neither one can make it on their own and/or need help caring or their children.  Divorce isn’t cheap.  Yes I know, you can file your own divorce but that is only if you both agree to the children and how the financial obligations will be met.  Debt in both of your names is really hard to get one name off especially if one or both of you fall behind in payments.

Most divorced men don’t want to go back to their drinking days and cruising for a date.  Moms who usually have custody of the children must be careful who the introduce their children too.  Our local news is constantly airing stories that have a boyfriend or stepfather abusing or even killing their stepchildren or the children of their girlfriend.  What a heart heavy mistake that could be.

Before bringing the “D” word into the argument think seriously about your life without the other.  Are they a bad person?  If not maybe you should get help from clergy or a professional if you can afford it but lets face it most of us can’t “pay” to see a therapist.



25 September, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , ,

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